Child Security: Risk vs. Threat

Children are primarily faced with safety threats: car seats improperly fastened, parents on the phone while driving, and un-gated stairs leading to severe falls are all examples. Some of those threats can be neutralized: ensure the car seat is properly fastened, turn off the phone while driving, and install a gate at the top and bottom of the stairs.

What those threats have in common is that there’s no intent behind them—mom is not intentionally causing a car-wreck by talking on the phone on the way to the grocery, and the car-seat wasn’t sabotaged. While these instances might lead to tragic consequences, they’re much easier for us to deal with because there’s no predatory element involved.

Introduce that predatory element and many people lose perspective. I hear a lot of comments involving “monsters preying on unprotected children,” to which I reply, “They’re not monsters, they’re cowards, and you can protect your kids even if you’re not with your kids: teach them!”

The Risks

Let’s say that every child starts life with an equal threat from child predators.

What will increase risk of abuse?

• Parents’ circumstances: abusive partner, drug use, and homelessness
• Failure of the parents/care-givers to screen who has access to the child (No access = no crime)
• Lack of child-education: kids needs to know they are valued, have rights, and deserve to feel safe, what to properly expect from adults
• Adults modeling abusive behavior: teach kids that abuse is normal, and kids will seek to create that environment for themselves.

Decreasing Risk

What will decrease risk of abuse?

• If parent was abused as child, seek counseling prior to or during pregnancy
• Parents trusting instincts, and teaching children to trust instincts
• Teaching safety rules about “private areas,” keeping secrets, and their right to say “No!”
• Regular honest discussion about important issues, like sex, social interactions, dating, drugs, gangs, etc., even after the child doesn’t want to talk about it.

Those items that will decrease the odds of child abuse are similar to making sure the car-seat is properly installed in the car: the car may still wreck, but the car-seat will function better, and the child will recover from the incident faster.

Older Children

Older children, who may move around the community to a limited degree without an adult, such as to and from school, will need some additional guidance to make smart decisions about threat vs. risk. They will need to know:

• Who you trust with their safety and why
• The rules about adults approaching them on the street: there may be different rules depending on the neighborhood, how long you’ve lived there, or changing rules about specific adults
• Your expectations about whether they will leave that place or wait for you to pick them up, if they can accept rides from other adults, and who those adults are, etc.

If they are going to walk to school, walk the route with them several times and point out places you don’t want them to go, safe places to cross the street, houses with people you trust or want them to stay away from. When you feel they know enough, are comfortable with the route, and can be trusted to make good decisions, arrange for them to walk with a group of other kids to school and home each day. Ask them questions each day about their walk to and from school, and really listen to the answers. They may judge an event’s importance by whether or not you ask questions about it.

Parenting Win!

I was told about one girl, who started walking to school when she was in third grade. On a Thursday, the mom asked her how her day went and tuned out until the daughter said “the man offered me a DS today, the same color as his car!” Turns out, the friend she was supposed to walk home with each day had been leaving school early for appointments, and the daughter had been walking home alone. The day before, Wednesday, the man had first shown up about a block from school and offered her a ride, which she declined. That day, he had offered her a ride and a DS. Of course the mother was horrified. She was also thankful, because the girl had refused to approach the car or get into the car because she had been directed not to by her mom. Score a huge win for educating kids!

Bethan Tuttle, CIPP, is mom to two and Executive Director of CommunityWatch, a non-profit that provides empowering crime-prevention education for kids, families, and communities. Learn more at CommunityWatch.us and follow @ComWatch on Twitter for empowering crime prevention updates.

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Tagged as: child safety, children, crime prevention, parental tools, parenting, parents, sex offenders